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When he gets there, our mutual friend lets him in. He walks over to me and wraps his hands around my face and plants a 60 second kiss on me. No hello, no by your leave, nothing. This is a man that I have spoken to three times in my entire life. Then he looks me in the eye and says, "...but we'll talk about *that* later." From that moment, I belonged to him and I never looked back.
It amazes me that it took us over ten years to begin having a Taken In Hand relationship.
It's been over 11 years and I can still remember that kiss like it was this afternoon. Thanks for reminding me of a wonderful memory.
Otter*
PS By the way, I am by no means suggesting that anyone expect a one night stand to last 11+ years or that this is a good way to go about looking for a life partner, LOL. I just got lucky...
Psychologically, if you want to get married and the person you love doesn't, then unless you can find a way not to want it any more, you are likely to be in a state of fearing the loss of the relationship, and when you are in that state, you cannot help preparing for loss, guarding yourself against the loss, and protecting yourself.
Something has to give. This is not a stable situation. With the best will in the world it is not possible to be deeply intimate and connected with someone when you fear the loss of the relationship on an on-going basis. So what tends to happen is that the one-down person – the one who wants to get married – either suffers greatly and desperately tries to extract more love and security from the other – which tends to drive him or her away – or the one-down person ceases to care.
Whilst this latter eventuality makes it possible to carry on, it adversely affects the level of intimate connection in the relationship, and the relationship may then prove insufficiently fulfilling and end.
